Autumn 1983;
post-Godric’s Hollow, pre-Philosopher’s Stone
If you wish to read the story including
sexually explicit material, welcome to the original version.
“The
Gryphon Centre of Reproductive Health”, read the small brass sign on the green-painted door
of the large, elegant old villa. The black-clad young man approached it on a tiled
path across a meticulously groomed lawn.
The lion’s head in the middle of the door enounced clearly, in
spite of the brass knocker between its jaws: “Good
afternoon, Sir. Whom did you wish to see?”
“I
have an appointment with Mistress Achrya.”
After a brief moment, the lion’s head
said: “Yes,
Sir. Please come in.”
The door opened on a small entrance hall containing a
Regency desk serving as a reception counter, an Oriental rug, a combined coat hanger
and umbrella stand in brass, and little else: visitors were obviously not kept
waiting, at least not in each other’s sight.
The reception desk was empty.
The man walked without hesitation to the stairs on the
opposite side of the hall, and up two flights. He knocked on a door lettered “Sir
Alexander Hughes, M.H.”
“Come
in, Severus,”
said a woman’s
voice, and the door opened.
He walked through an elegantly furnished office
through another door, into a spacious, meticulously neat Healer’s
surgery.
The stocky short-haired woman in pale blue Mediwitch
robes welcomed him with a casual nod that he returned.
“You
look fit. So, how’s
our experiment going?”
“You
ought to know, Catrin – you’ve taken the potion yourself.”
“No
adverse effects so far. And you, no dizziness, nausea, headache?”
“Not
since yesterday noon.”
“Sounds
good.”
She opened another door with a mock curtsey. “Please
proceed into the lab
and do your business.”
He replied with a somewhat tentative grin: “And you?”
“Well,
I won’t
keep you company,”
she snorted in mock indignation. “My samples are ready,” she
added in earnest. “I’ll be
with you in a moment, we’ll start the analyses now and have the results ready
after dinner.”
The analysis spells that they had activated around the
blood and urine samples were stabilized and contained by a glass cover, and
there was nothing to do but wait.
“Sir
Alex must be happy with his intern, to give you free run of his private lab
after working hours,”
remarked the black-haired young man.
“In
fact, yes, he may take me on as his apprentice for my specialisation.”
“Catrin,
you’re
joking. Would you become an andrologist?!”
“Severus,
I couldn’t
be more serious. Wizards’ reproductive health is fascinating. There’s so much
still to learn about the interaction of hormonal activity and magical powers.
And it relates
directly to the mind-body problem.”
“Well,
yes, there’s
the research. But the clinical practice? Would you really want to poke people’s cocks
and balls for a living?”
The vulgarity from his lips sounded innocently naughty
as he purposefully imitated her usual relaxed attitude. Catrin decided to tease
a little further.
“Not
to mention sticking fingers up their arses,” she
said, with barely contained mirth at his shocked and baffled face.
“What?!”
“The
regular procedure for examining the prostate. – You do
remember some anatomy, I presume?” she said in her best ‘exacting
professor’
voice.
“I
remember that much, thank you.”
“I’ve been
doing it for eight months now, including the full-time summer internship, so any disgust
on my part would have manifested itself by now.”
“I
was just wondering... You obviously don’t mind,
but how about the patients?”
“Considering
how many male gynaecologists there are, why should the other way around be a
problem?”
she inquired, seeing him blush. “Anyway, you’d be surprised. People know I’m gay, so
men tend to consider me safe.”
“Huh?”
“I’m not
another male, so there’s no feeling of competition, and I’m not a
potential sex partner, so they have no appearances to keep up.”
“That
makes sense, really, once you look at it that way,” Severus
said.
“Well,
that’s
it for now, I suppose,” he added after a moment.
“Yes,
I’ll
be back in a couple of hours to record the results, and we’ll
evaluate them in the morning.”
Still, Severus paced the floor, seemingly reluctant to
leave.
Catrin knew his moods well. She let him collect his
thoughts for several minutes before giving him a verbal nudge.
“Are
you sure you’re
all right?”
“Yes.
Well, no... there’s
something... someone... I need to talk to you.”
She nodded.
“Do
you want to talk here, or would you rather go somewhere and have a drink?”
“If
I relied on bottled courage for this one, I’d have to
drink so much I wouldn’t be able to talk at all. Let’s stay
here.”
He resumed pacing the floor. Catrin knew better than
to push. He stopped, looking out of the window, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Merlin,
I don’t
know how to say it,”
he murmured as if to himself.
Suddenly he swivelled to face her: “Catrin,
would you examine me?”
She opted for a bit of shock treatment.
“Of
course,”
she said, waving breezily towards the examination couch. “Take off
your clothes and lie down.”
His hands reached the top button of his robes before
the shock registered on his face and he went completely stiff.
“Please,” he
managed to bring out, “it's no joke.”
She crossed the room in three strides and clasped his
hands in hers.
“I’m sorry,
Severus,”
she said. “We’re
friends. You know I’ll
do everything within reason for you. I just don’t see why you’d want to ask for this particular thing. You’re young
and healthy, there is no reason for you to have this kind of check-up.”
His eyes met hers, then looked away, then fixed on her
face again.
“I
need to know if I am normal,” he said, haltingly, in a very low voice.
“How?
And why? And what is ‘normal’?”
“Physically.
I have to know if I’ll
make a woman laugh, or make her sick from disgust.”
“You’ve met
someone, Severus! That’s wonderful!”
“She’s here in
graduate school. Second year. She understands that ‘happily
ever after’
doesn’t
apply to me, and, incredibly, she accepts it. She will return home to a
dynastic marriage after graduation, and she wants us to be together as long as
we’re
here.”
“Congratulations!
What’s
keeping you? You should be having dinner with her tonight.”
“Catrin,
she wants to take me to bed. Not just yet, but soon.”
There was panic in his voice and in his face.
“Don’t you
want to? Anyone has the right to say ‘no’, man or woman.”
Catrin directed him to a pair of comfortable chairs in
front of another window, and they sat down.
“You don’t
understand. I want it so much! But I don’t know...
anything. Oh, I’ve
read up on sex,
I know the anatomy, the mechanics, the protective charms and potions, the
cognitive and emotional implications, but it’s never
really been about me.”
His silence was not an unwillingness to speak, but a
pause to gather his thoughts. Catrin simply nodded and waited.
Shortly, Severus continued: “I’ve done a
lot of reading, but I’ve never had anyone give me ‘the talk’, to me,
personally. I’ve
had no giggling sisters, no gutter-mouthed brothers, no changing-room talk with
my mates; I’ve
always avoided or been made to avoid the common showers.”
“Yes,
you’ve
told me you were bullied at school.”
“And
then I studied. I learned about potions, about herbs, about the mind and the
body, about the foundations of magic, what it is that turns it dark, and how to
fight that. It’s been the
only really enjoyable part of my life. I understood
that ‘those
things’
were not for me, so I simply stopped myself thinking about them.”
“I
see,”
she said.
“Do
you? Catrin, no-one has ever seen my adult body!”
“And
comparing yourself to the pictures in the books is not enough.”
“No.”
“Do
you suspect any functional problem?”
“How
should I... ”
He looked away and said quietly: “No.”
“Still,
you think you need an assessment, is that it? A professional opinion?”
He swallowed hard, and replied barely audibly: “Yes.”
“I
can do that for you.”
“Would
you, really? What do I do, make an appointment?”
“Your
appointment is for right now.”
“No!”
“Look,
Severus, this obviously bothers you a lot. So get it over with. You’ll sleep
better.”
“You’re right.
That’s
what I’d
say to anyone else,”
he almost managed an ironical smile.
“Good,” she
replied. “Here’s what I
suggest.”
He forced himself to look at her, black eyes wide
open.
“There’s a
standard procedure,”
Catrin went on, “that
we use to assess wizards complaining of diffuse andrological problems. I know, that
isn’t
your trouble, but it’s
a handy way of checking that the equipment is in good working order, and to put
to rest any suspicions of anything really sinister.”
“That’s what I
had in mind, I suppose.”
“One
thing. If we do this, I want to put you through the whole procedure. Parts of
it are unpleasant,
but I don’t
intend to miss anything important to save you discomfort.”
“Fair
enough.”
His posture was tense, but his voice almost matter-of-fact.
“Apart
from a blood sample, I’ll only use my wand and my hands. No strange
implements. And you know I’ll do my best to make it as little uncomfortable as
possible.”
“Thank
you, Catrin.”
“Don’t thank
me yet. You’ll
want to say other things before we’re through,” she commented wryly.
“Well,
then, thanks for the warning,” he made an attempt at levity.
She stood up, went to the examination couch and pulled
up an instrument trolley.
“Come
and sit over here. I’ll
want a few drops of your blood. Shall I draw the sample, or do you
prefer to do it yourself?”
“Catrin,
your lancet is the least of my worries right now. Just help yourself.”
He held out his hand to her. His mind seemed to be on other things, and his
musing face never shifted, while she deftly pricked his finger and placed
several drops of his
blood on a glass
slide.
“I’ll go put
these through the analysis spells in the lab,” Catrin
said. “While
I do that, why don’t
you make yourself as comfortable as you can on the couch. You have to remove
all your clothes, but we don’t want you to die of exposure. Here’s a
blanket to cover
yourself with.”
The blanket was a soft, light but thick cotton weave,
moss green in colour. Catrin found Severus stretched out under it when she
returned to the couch. Only his head resting on a thin
pillow was showing, and his eyes were shut. They snapped open when he heard her
come back.
“So
far so good,”
she said. “The
blood analysis says that everything is fine. – Let’s see how
to make you a bit less uncomfortable.”
She felt his legs through the blanket, and slipped a
rolled-up towel under his knees to help relax his back. Then she pulled up a stool and
settled down by his head. She felt the tense muscles in his neck and shoulders
and, instead of massaging them vigorously, she warmed them with her hands and
nudged them here and there to suggest a more relaxed position. The lines around
his mouth grew less deep, and his eyes closed again, lightly.
Unobtrusively she moved her hands to probe gently
below his jaw and in front of his ears. Her touch was steady, matter-of-fact,
professional, not cold or unkind, but without tenderness. Severus sensed it and
realised that he found it deeply reassuring.
“You
know as well as I do what I’m about, palpating your lymph nodes,” she
commented, standing up and moving to his side. “Those loci and conduits of thaumic energy are central to what distinguishes your physiology from that of a Muggle. - Well let me
fold down the blanket a bit.”
She did so, uncovering his chest with a scattering of
curly black hairs. He shivered a little, but let her move his arms slightly away from
his body to feel his armpits. She was careful to touch him firmly enough not to tickle.
“All
right,”
she continued, picking up her wand. “Normally you wouldn’t feel
anything when I scan you with my wand. But you have used this one together with
me, so it is partly attuned to you. That means that you may feel a tingle of
energy while I scan you, and some stronger twinges at the major magical foci.
It’s
normal if you do, but nothing is wrong if you don’t. Just a natural variation in sensitivity.”
She directed the wand slowly along the contours of his
head and chest down to his waist. Then she swept the flat of it, not quite
touching the skin, in a few lines across his face. She touched
the tip to several points on his head and throat; the first touch made him
flinch, but then he lay perfectly still. Another series of broad sideways
sweeps across his chest concluded the scan.
“Next,
I’m
going to palpate your abdomen. I have to move the blanket a little more for
that.”
She uncovered his flat, firm abdomen with a line of
black hair extending from his navel and growing wider and thicker to where it
disappeared under the blanket covering his groin. Quietly she rested her hands
left and right from it.
“You
have excellent muscles here. I need you to focus on relaxing them, otherwise I won’t be able to
feel much.”
He gave a shuddering sigh.
“Very
good,”
she said. “None
of this should hurt, so don’t play the hero. Let me know at once if
it’s
painful.”
Slowly, thoroughly, her hands travelled down his
abdomen from the waist to the hip bones, pressing here and there. Again, he
held himself perfectly still, until her fingers slipped underneath the blanket
to where the abdomen met the thighs. He flinched then, and his muscles tensed.
“Inguinal
nodes tender?”
she asked.
“No,
not at all. It’s...” he fell
silent, breathing raggedly.
“Strange
and uncomfortable? Yes. Just let it happen. It’ll pass.”
Again she followed the procedure with a scan of her
wand, sweeping across his abdomen and touching the tip to various points. Then
she put down the wand, and he looked at her intently.
“Everything
looks and feels fine, so far,” she said, unsmiling, respecting his discomfort. “No sign
whatsoever of any physiological problem. But then, we weren’t
expecting any, were we?”
Dry-mouthed, unable to speak, Severus moved his head
from side to side.
“All
right, then, let me have a proper look at you,” Catrin
said, reaching for the blanket.
“No!” he
gasped and reached out as if to grab the blanket that she was folding back.
He did not complete the movement, though, and she
draped the blanket across his feet and the end of the couch.
When she turned to face him again, he lay shivering,
his eyes squeezed shut, his lips tight, both his hands clutching at his
genitals.
“Severus,” she
touched his shoulder lightly.
“Hmm.” The
noise in his throat showed that he heard her.
“You’ve asked
me to examine you. I won’t force you. Tell me if you’ve
changed your mind and want to stop now. It’s all
right. But if not, you must show yourself to me.”
“I
know. I’m...
It’s...
Please go on. Please.” His voice was almost a sob.
“All
right,”
she said in a matter-of-fact voice. “Let me see you. Place your arms along your body. Do it
now.”
With a jerk his hands left his groin, and he placed
his arms at his sides with a determined effort, the muscles tense, the fists
clenched.
“Good,” she went
on calmly. “I’m looking
at you. Your body is whole, healthy-looking and well-proportined. I see no reason
for anyone to find it strange, repulsive or ridiculous.”
Tears
were leaking out of the corners of Severus’ eyes and
he was close to hyperventilating.
Catrin placed a hand on his chest and the other one on
his abdomen.
“Easy.
Don’t
overdo it. Find your normal breathing and focus on it.”
His ragged breath calmed somewhat.
Catrin continued: “That’s right,
focus on your breathing. In a moment I’m going to touch you. You may react to my touch, or
you may not. There is no right or wrong. Again, none of this
should hurt, so please, let me know if it does.”
At her touch a moan escaped him, both his hands
flew up to cover his face, his torso arched and his legs contracted.
“Sssh,” she
soothed him. “Relax.
Your arms along your sides. Focus on your breathing.”
She kept still while he complied and calmed down.
Then, gently and thoroughly, she continued the examination.
Some time later she straightened her back, banished
the protective charm from her fingers, and looked at his bare, slightly
shivering form.
“There,
that does it,”
she murmured. “Make
yourself as comfortable as you can, and rest for a while.”
She
spread the blanket from his chest over his abdomen and legs, taking care to
cover his feet well, tucking folds of the blanket between his body and his arms.
He opened his eyes: there was fear in them, a query.
“Everything
is perfectly all right,” she said gently. “You have
a fine body, in good working order. There’s nothing
about your body to frighten a woman or make her laugh at you. I’ll give
you all the details you want anytime you like, but, to put it simply, you’re ready
to go.”
She finished with a smile that he returned, tired,
overwhelmed with new sensations, but relieved.
Catrin took the time to wash her hands very thoroughly
in the laboratory, mainly to give Severus a chance to remedy his state of
undress. But when she returned into the surgery, she found him still lying on
the couch, curled up on his side with his back to the room, clutching the
blanket under his chin. He was still shivering.
She
propped herself up against the edge of the couch and laid a calming hand on his
shoulder.
“It’s all
right, Severus,”
she said. “You’ll be
fine. You’re
just reacting to a strong and very uncomfortable experience. Take your time. I’ll stay
with you.”
“I’m afraid,” he
whimpered. “I’m so
terribly afraid.”
“What
is there to be afraid of? Who wants to hurt you?”
She reached across him and found his hand with hers.
He clung to it.
“I’m afraid
of myself,”
he said more clearly. “I may hurt someone.”
“Why’s that?
Do you want to?”
“No.
But it’s
what I know. What I’ve
seen of sex. Rape. Torture. I was very young myself, so I didn’t have to… do
things…
but I was there. And did nothing to stop it.”
With an effort, Catrin kept her voice clinically
detached:
“You don’t have to
force yourself to talk about it, but you might tell me a little more, if you can.
I may be able to help you. This place is safe. The rooms are warded, and I’m under a strong
geas not to disclose what patients tell me. If it’s told in
confidence, not even
Sir Alex has the right to question me.”
“It’s my
life. My past, my memories. How could you help?”
“It’s your
life, yes. But sometimes a different view can make things easier to handle. And if it doesn’t work,
well, what do you have to lose?”
He visibly decided to take the plunge.
“What
do you want to know? Where should I start?”
“Was
that some sort of gang that you joined?”
”Call
it that. Yes. To get back at people. To feel powerful. Dangerous.”
”You
wanted to get back at your bullies. And did you?”
”No.
Yes. Not the way I thought,” his voice rasped. “It was
terrible. I tried to save her, but they killed her!”
“Was
that someone you cared about?”
“Loved
her,”
he murmured into the pillow under his head.
“And
the gang abused her?”
Severus rolled onto his back to face her.
“No,
no, no, thank Merlin, no. They did that to others. But she died. The leader
murdered her in cold blood.”
“And
then? Where’s
the gang now? The leader?”
“They’re in
prison, mostly. And people say he’s dead. I don’t believe it. He’ll be
back someday. I intend to fight him.”
“And
for that you have to stand alone, so as not make yourself vulnerable. You’ve chosen
a very
difficult path.”
“He’s killed
her already. So that can’t happen again.”
“And
earlier, were you and … she… together?”
“In
my dreams. In real life I was a horrible person. I destroyed it all. I called
her…
an awful
name. She never spoke to me again. Married … someone
else. Had his child. And then she was dead. She is dead. Dead. Dead.”
Catrin paused and left him to his grief for a moment.
Then she continued, in a clinical tone:
“You
have no good mental images of sex at all, only what you experienced with the
gang. No affection, no pleasure, no joy, only destruction and suffering. Is
that so?”
Severus only nodded.
Catrin went on: “You know
how the mind works. You understand that you need good experiences to compensate
for that. Otherwise you’ll always be afraid of yourself, of how you may react
in an intimate situation. “
Another nod.
“So
the lady in second year may be just the right cure for you,” Catrin
concluded.
Severus turned onto his side again, away from her. “Perhaps,” he said.
“But… “
The rest of his words was mumbled into the pillow.
“I’m sorry,
Severus –
I can’t
hear you,”
Catrin said softly.
“It
can’t
happen. So there’s
no point talking about it,” he objected.
“Yes,
there is. Put a name to your wishes as well as your fears. It makes them more
manageable.“
“Catrin,
if I say it, you may think... it could... I don’t want to
harm…
us.”
“You won’t harm
us, Severus. You have my word on it. We are friends. Let me be the judge if this
thing is so terrible.
If it is, I promise to remove the memory and return it to you.”
Severus curled up harder on his side, clutched the
blanket and, with his eyes screwed shut, brought out between gritted teeth: “I. Wish.
You. Could. Be. My. First.”
Catrin bit her lips and seemed to be working towards a
decision. Then she said gently, stroking his hair: “Is that a
daydream, a fantasy, or something you’d really accept if you could have it?”
“For
real. You wouldn’t
laugh at me. You wouldn’t be afraid. You wouldn’t let me
hurt you.
The first time. If I lose control. You’re strong and you know me.”
“Look
at me, Severus.“
He relaxed a little and turned his head towards her.
She asked:
“Would
you feel better about wooing your new lady friend after the experience?”
“Yes, very
much better. But I’ve
no right to ask you. I know you aren’t… interested in men.”
“Many
gays experiment with the opposite sex,” Catrin explained. “I’m not
inexperienced, and I don’t find men repulsive. In fact it’s what
Severus had stretched out on his back again and
listened intently.
Now he sat up abruptly and swept the blanket about him
with a yank.
“Well,
that includes me out, anyway,” he growled.
“Drop
it, Severus,”
she said sharply. “Self-hatred
is very unbecoming. Especially vacuous self-hatred.”
“Catrin,
don’t
coddle me. I’m
ugly and I know it. I’ve learned to live with it.”
“Do
you know the saying about the eye of the beholder?”
“Yes.
I can face myself without a baby soother, thank you,” he
answered coldly.
“Hmm.” Catrin
paused to think.
“Let’s put it
this way: you’ve
asked me to go to bed with you.“
Blushing, Severus whispered: “Yes.”
“What
does that mean: that you find me attractive, or not? Or am I just someone to
help you deal with an annoying obstacle? An experienced prostitute would fit
that bill.“
“Please
don’t
speak like that. You’re
very, very attractive. I asked you because… because it’s you.”
“Well,
you’ll
never see me on the cover of ‘Playwizard’. I’m ugly by their standards. My tits are
too small, my butt is too big, my hair is too short, my grooming is deficient,
and, besides, I’m
too old. So what does that tell you?”
“Hmm… that it’s my mind
that finds you attractive?”
Lightening the mood, Catrin put on her best
schoolteacher demeanour: “Very good, ten bonus
points to Master Snape, sit down.”
Then she cocked her eyebrow at Severus: “And kindly
grant my mind the same privilege.”
He could not suppress a grin: “If you
insist.”
“I do. – So, what
are we looking at: one night, no strings, no kiss-and-tell, and we’re
friends?”
“You
sound very business-like. But, yes, that covers it. Do you think it’s
possible?”
“I,
for one, intend to give it my best shot. And I’m sorry
if I sound callous. I just don’t want you to get hurt if we don’t talk
clearly.”
“Thank
you,”
he smiled. “I
never imagined a woman could think that way.”
“So,
did you have anything planned for the next twenty-four hours?”
“Arithmantic
Logic lecture at nine.”
“If I say
screw the lecture, we’ll catch up on our own?”
suggested Catrin with a cat-got-the-cream grin.
“I
say nothing else planned.”
”Well… Your
flat or mine? Personally I’d suggest neutral ground.”
“What’s neutral
ground?”
“I’ll tell
you in a while. Put your clothes on; I have to make a Muggle phone call in the outer office.“
–
Warren House, Elisabeth Drew speaking. How can I help you?
–
Elisabeth? This is Catrin Achrya. The Mediwitch from last summer, when the
young lady with the film crew needed help.
–
Catrin! How are you? What can I do for you?
–
Well, well! I take it the summer’s events ended to everyone’s
satisfaction?
–
You can say that again. It seems the starlet’s attacks
didn’t
come back, so she’s
told the tabloids
that the whirlpool at our Freesia Suite has healing powers.
–
Not too bad for business, then. Well, do you still think that you owe me?
–
I owe you. Anything I can do for you.
–
To the tune of twenty-four hours in the Cedar Suite? Starting just about now?
–
With all the trimmings, fully warded, your own house elf, and all you’d care to
eat and drink.
Are you sure you don’t
want anything more romantic than the Cedars?
–
I have a queer reputation to uphold, so don’t tell
anyone, but I’m
bringing a man. He doesn’t do
roses and curlicues.
–
I’ll
take up the iced champagne personally. Welcome to Apparate in whenever you’re ready.
“We
have our neutral ground,” Catrin said to Severus, who was buttoning up the
collar of his black
robes.
“Where’s that?”
“Will
you let me surprise you?” she asked. “I know you don’t like
surprises, and I’ve
just put you through almost an hour of torture, but I promise this one is a
good surprise.”
“Well...
if that’s
all you’ll
tell me, I just have to trust you.”
“Trust
me, Master Severus Snape. You are about to get laid in grand style.”
She snickered at his sheepish, blushing face.
“By
the way,”
she added, “aren’t we
forgetting something?”
His face went blank and she could almost hear him
think.
She opened a desk drawer and took out a small blue
vial.
“Here,” she
said, handing it to him: “You’re the potions master.”
He opened the vial and smelled the contents, poured
out a small drop on his fingertip, rubbed it between his fingers and tasted it.
“Oh,
he said. “The
Capotus potion. Contraceptive, prevents infections. Did you brew it?”
“With
my own not-so-milk-white hands,” she laughed.
“Somehow
I’d
imagined you to prefer charms.”
“You
seem to have given the matter a lot of thought,” she
teased. “No,
seriously, charms are too easy to forget or go wrong with. The Capotus is
effective for at least twenty-four hours, so you can
take it before matters become too… um… hectic. – Speaking of which, I’m
thinking about your young lady. You do know how to brew this stuff, don’t you?”
“Oh,
yes, no problem. Except…”
“Yes?”
“It
takes almost two weeks to complete and mature.”
“In a
hurry, are we?”
she teased again, feeling very pleased with his progress. “Half an hour ago
you were gibbering with panic at the mention of sex. Oh, the resilience of youth!”
He shrugged his shoulders with another sheepish look
on his face.
“The
normal dose is three drops, so this should last you and your lady friend a
while, even if we do use
some of it now.”
She brought two small cups of water and motioned to
him to add the potion. He did, but handed the vial back to her.
“Catrin,
I couldn’t
accept. Just the ingredients are awfully expensive, and then there’s the time you
spent brewing it.”
“Oh,
stop it, you dolt. Of course you can accept it. Take it as my way of wishing
you good luck
with your sex life. –
Well, here’s
looking at you, as they say.”
She toasted him with the cup of potion-laced water and
drank it down in one gulp. He followed suit.
Catrin changed from her pale blue work robes to the
graduate student’s
brown and, automatically, picked up her Mediwitch bag. Then she stood next to
Severus.
“Let’s move on
to neutral ground, then,” she said. “Put your arm around my shoulders and I’ll take
us there.”
He complied. She put her free arm around his waist,
and they Disapparated.
--- --- ---
“Oh,” was all
he could say when he looked around the room.
“Your
Lordship approves, I take it,” she said with mock noblesse.
“What
is this –
a palace?”
“It
used to be. A country house, anyway. Now it’s a
hotel, of the really nice kind. Both Muggle and discrete wizarding clientele. Flashy spells
get you banned for life.”
“We
can’t
afford this!”
“No,
we couldn’t
if we had to pay for it. The proprietor owed me a favour. This is what you
might call a really classy love nest, and it’s ours
until tomorrow lunchtime.”
The suite had a sitting room and a bedroom, both
sparsely furnished in a reddish wood that matched
the wide, polished planks of the floor. The walls were ivory in colour, with a Chinese
ink painting decorating each room. The furniture had straight lines, right
angles, and was upholstered in a subdued moss green. The modern Tibetan rugs on
the floor picked up the green, and the dark brownish red of the wood. The bed
was a four-poster, but built out of straight, smooth, thick boards with no
other decoration than their natural lines and knots, the frame a
perfect seven-foot cube. Its drapes of thick, loosely woven raw silk replicated
the moss green of the
upholstery.
As promised, on the coffee table a closely contained
cooling charm surrounded a bottle of Bollinger Grande Ann�e, swept in a white linen napkin. Between the
two champagne goblets next to it there was a note on thick ivory paper:
‘Welcome,
Mistress Catrin and guest. Your house elf’s name is
Ceddie.
Enjoy your stay at Warren House.
–
Elisabeth’
“Well.” Severus
stood in the middle of the room, looking rather lost. “I’ll admit
I’m
completely out of my depth now.”
“You
could start by doing the honours,” Catrin said, gesturing towards the champagne bottle. “Alcohol
is a relaxant, as you know.”
“I
know that much. I just don’t know how…” and he gripped the neck of the
bottle.
“The
bottle is under pressure,” she explained. “That’s why the
cork has all the metal on it. You start by removing that.”
She
showed him how to untwist the wire and remove the metal cap. The bare cork
remained.
“This
is what the cloth napkin is for,” she went on. “You use
it to get a steady grip on the bottle and the cork. Contrary to popular
misconception, you don’t pop the cork and shoot it into the air – that’s vulgar,
and a waste of good drink. You ease the cork out gently, so that all
the wine stays in the
bottle.”
His slender, strong hands, used to the meticulous
potions work, had no trouble dealing with the cork. He filled the two goblets
and handed one to Catrin. The rims of the goblets touched with a gentle ‘clink’. Catrin
took a few sips, savouring the wine that was far, far out of her usual more
affordable class. Severus sipped first, then emptied his goblet in a single
gulp.
“Traditionally,” Catrin
advised, “the
next move would be a passionate kiss.”
“My
mother kissed my forehead when I was leaving for Hogwarts,” Severus
stated dryly: “That
doesn’t
qualify as passionate by any standards.”
Catrin looked at his mouth and licked her own lips.
“Your
lips look extremely tasty,” she said.
“Um…” he
swallowed hard. “So
do yours.”
“Well,
then, come here and do something about it,” she
cocked her eyebrow provocatively.
He stood facing her indecisively. She reached out,
buried her fingers in his hair and pulled his head down to hers. Their lips
met; hers parted, inviting him to explore further. He turned
out to be a very quick learner.
When they came up for air, she removed her eyeglasses.
“Another
one, please,”
she said with a radiant smile. She took some more champagne in her mouth,
inviting him to share it. When they broke apart, his eyes were slightly glazed
and there were droplets of sweat on his forehead.
“All
right?”
she asked.
“All
right?”
he repeated. “That’s the
understatement of the year. Pinch me so I know I’m awake.”
--- --- ---
Later that night they lay among rumpled silk sheets in
the big bed.
“Congratulations,
Severus,”
Catrin said with a contented smile, “you have been truly and properly
deflowered. How does it feel?”
“I
can’t
begin to tell you,”
he answered quietly. “It feels... so much. I never imagined...”
“You
don’t
have to –
I was teasing a bit.”
“Catrin,
I may I ask you something? Please don’t be offended...”
“Ask
away. If it’s
none of your business, I’ll simply tell you that, no offence.”
“After...
what just happened...” he began haltingly.
“Yes?”
“How
can you say that you are... you know, not attracted to men?”
“But
I’m
not. I’m
not attracted to a gender. It’s about persons.”
“How’s that?”
“Not
everyone is capable of understanding that, or even wiling to try, but to me
gender is incidental.
“Don’t call me
that!”
“Yes, I
willl call you beautiful, and you will listen to me. You’ve chosen
a difficult path in life:
you will be forced to hide your best sides from almost everyone. You must
remember that they exist,
that they are real, no matter how deep you’re forced
to bury them. And I intend to remember it with you and for you.”
Her kiss prevented him from answering back.
Severus’ stomach growled, and he blushed.
“Sorry.
How mundane of me,”
he grinned.
“No
worries, I’m
absolutely starving. Good sex tends to do that to people.”
“Really?”
“The
classics say that every animal is sad after intercourse. Personally, I get
exhilarated, but hungry
enough to eat a hippogryph.”
“Is
that usual in women?”
“Usual
enough for you to plan for in your future conquests,” she
advised, and went on:
“Do
you like shellfish?”
“It
wasn’t
really standard fare at Hogwarts, so I’m not sure.”
“Care
to try?”
“Order
of the day, isn’t
it. Yes, why not.”
Catrin summoned the house elf, and a short while later
she and Severus were sitting at a table in the outer room, jointly attacking a large
seafood platter.
Accompanied by more of the excellent champagne, the
seafood was a success. Severus’ dexterous hands were soon shelling shrimps,
dismembering a lobster and picking out meat from its claws at a speed that
matched Catrin’s.
Eventually only shells, a few toast crumbs and a smear
of aioli remained.
Severus sat leaning both his elbows on the table,
nibbling musingly at his third slice of "piel
de sapo" melon. Catrin tossed a piece of melon rind onto her plate,
grabbed another slice, devoured it in two bites and leaned back in her chair.
“I’m sticky,” she
licked her fingers. “And
I smell like a fishwife. – Shower?”
“I’ll race
you,”
he said, rising and peeling off his bathrobe.
Their urgent desires appeased earlier, the shower was
a pleasant, companionable affair. They explored the planes and curves of each
other’s
bodies with hands slippery with soap, tasted kisses diluted with water, played
with the shampoo foam in each other’s hair, and finally Severus dared Catrin to shower as cold as he
did.
She took on the dare, and emerged spitting, shivering
and swearing.
“Wh…wh… what the
hell are you, a damned polar bear?” her teeth chattered.
Severus stood ready with a huge, soft bath towel. He
embraced her with it and began rubbing her.
“Just
my natural sneakiness,” he grinned. “A pretext to hold you close and warm you.”
“As
if you needed one, you sneaky sneak,” she grinned back, and leaned into the caress.
Clean and dry, they discovered that the silk sheets on
the bed had been changed. They lay down, naked, sharing a single big, light,
eiderdown duvet. Severus turned the lights out with a sweep of his hand, and
they fell asleep, touching casually, with smiles on their faces.
Sometime in the very early dawn Catrin slipped out of
bed and padded into the bathroom. She returned to bed, next to Severus. He lay on his back,
fast asleep, his breathing occasionally turning into light snores. In the dim,
grey light she could discern his profile, the distinctive nose, the shapely
lips slightly open in relaxation. Deep inside her she felt a warmth
that had nothing to do with the luxurious eiderdown covering them.
In the morning she heard Severus visit the bathroom
and return. He leaned over her and touched her cheek and the corner of her mouth with his
lips.
“Ouch,” she
mock-yelped. “Get
out of here. You scratch.”
He snuggled under the duvet, on his back, eyes closed.
“Not
going. You Figaro me.”
“Should
I spell your beard? Are you serious?”
“Totally.”
“I’d have to
use my wand.”
Considering his uncomfortable encounter with her wand
in the surgery the previous day, she expected him to show reluctance.
“Go
ahead and use it. I won’t spend the rest of my life cringing from your wand.”
“All
right,”
she Accioed her wand. “Keep still, so I don’t give
you a spotty stubble.”
Propped up on her elbow, she ran the wand smoothly
over his cheeks and chin, murmuring the shaving spell.
“Mmmm,
nice,”
he murmured. Then he tipped his chin up to give her access to his throat.
She finished the shaving spell, put away the wand and
took advantage of his exposed position to kiss and nibble his throat. He
murmured approvingly, then tilted his head down to her for a proper kiss. She
obliged, thoroughly.
“Good
morning,”
she commented. “Now
you’re
fit for female company.”
“It
makes sense for you not to like beards,” he
quipped.
“Prejudice,
prejudice. I do like proper beards. Long soft ones. What I don’t like is
prickles. I’m
queer, not a hedgehog.”
“You’re the
queerest queer I know.”
“And
your experience in the matter would be… extensive? – Anyway, being flexible has its rewards.
It doubles my chances,” she gave him a mockingly lewd grin.
She sat up cross-legged next to him.
“I really do want my tea now,” she said. “How about you?”
“Tea
would be nice.”
“I
drink Chinese. And you? Indian, English, or perhaps Russian?”
“Isn’t it
still my day for trying new things? I’ll join you.”
“Black,
red, oolong, flower, green?”
“Not
a clue, I don’t
know what those mean. Pick whatever suits you.”
Catrin summoned the house elf and had a brief
discussion with her. In the end she chose a mild but
distinctive oolong with a grassy tang, as far removed as she dared from English
tea habits.
They only
had time to exchange a few kisses before the house elf re-appeared with the tea
tray. Catrin spoke a spell to hold the tray steady in the middle of the bed,
and they sat down cross-legged on each side of it.
Catrin surveyed the equipment approvingly, Severus
questioningly. In a small, round, cast-iron kettle, a spell kept the water hot.
The jug for surplus water was plain brown ceramics, glazed only on the inside.
An unadorned jar in greenish glass held large, tightly rolled pieces of tea
leaves. The tea set proper was made of translucently thin white china, its outside
hand-painted with a design of bamboo and crickets that complemented the painted
scrolls on the walls of the suite. The set consisted of a bowl resting on a saucer
and covered with a lid,
and two small earless cups.
Severus watched with keen interest as Catrin began
preparing the tea. She poured some hot water into the lidded bowl, swirled it
about and poured it out into the brown ceramic jug. Then she opened the glass
jar and tipped a little of the tea leaves into the white bowl. Severus reached
out for the glass jar.
“May
I?”
Catrin handed the jar to him with a smile. He smelled
the contents, shook a piece of the dried leaf onto his palm, felt it, crushed
it between his fingers and thumb, and smelled it once more. His face remained
neutral, but interested.
Catrin poured a little water over the tea leaves, put
the lid on the bowl and swirled it again. Then she divided the water into the
two small cups, rinsed them with it, and discarded the water. She poured more
hot water over the leaves, covered them with the lid and waited. After only a
short while she cupped her hand over the bowl, tilted the lid to one side, held
it down with her index finger and filled the two cups, the lid separating the
leaves from the pale yellow liquid. When she put the bowl down, Severus lifted
the lid to look at the tea leaves. They were large, very close to their size
and shape when fresh. After just this brief time in hot water, they filled half
the bowl.
Catrin raised her cup as if to toast Severus with it.
He picked up his own cup and returned the greeting, then smelled the contents
with a puzzled frown. The liquid was rather hot. Catrin took a few small sips and set her
cup down to cool. Severus followed suit.
“Good
Chinese tea is supposed to be steeped more than once – up to
four or five times, depending on the quality. The first cup is said to be the
most fragrant one, the second the most flavourful,” she
explained.
She felt, smelled and tasted her tea again, and
emptied the cup quickly.
Severus did the same, and his smile changed from
puzzled to pleased.
“Fairly
subtle, isn’t
it?”
he said.
“Yes,
you’re
the only Brit I’ve
ever dared offer it to.”
“It
isn’t
exactly Earl Grey,”
he grinned. “Milk
and sugar would murder it. – Are we about ready for the next cup?”
“Do
I see you acquire exotic tastes?” she mused as she poured more water into the bowl.
“Your
tea has a lot more complex aroma than the usual English brew,” he
explained.
“I
think so, but it takes a potions master to discern it. You have the skill and
the focus.”
Gravely, he bowed from the waist, thanking her for the
compliment.
Then they looked at each other, two naked people
maintaining a semblance of modesty by means of silk sheets, pontificating over a cup of tea.
All gravity was gone. They smiled, snickered, burst into a spell of loud,
liberating laughter. The tea tray kept its balance only thanks to the efficient
spell.
“Why
don’t
you pour the second cup,” Catrin suggested when they had calmed down. She showed
Severus how to handle the bowl and its lid with one hand, and he took to it as if it
were a new potions implement. Not a fraction of a leaf escaped into the cups.
The colour of the brew was deeper now, a golden
yellow, and its aroma more focused in the liquid than in the scented steam. They sipped in
silence, savouring the drink, their eyes meeting over the rims of the cups from
time to time.
The looks became longer, more urgent. Catrin’s lips
curved in an equivocal smile; Severus replied in kind.
With a quick, smooth wandless spell he transferred the
tea tray in perfect balance from the bed to the floor.
--- ---
---
Severus swept a cleaning charm over both of them. Then
he touched Catrin’s
cheek gently.
“Is
the animal hungry?”
“Hmmrrraarrr,” she
growled and gave his finger a light bite. “Ravenous.
The degree of my ensuing
hunger seems to be directly proportional to the quality of the intercourse.”
His contented grin acknowledged the compliment.
“What
would you like for brunch?” she asked.
“Oh...
something not too strange, if you don’t mind. Apart from that, I’m an
omnivore.”
When the
house elf had left to fill their brunch order, Catrin noticed that Severus lay
quite still on the bed, his face blank, his eyes distant.
“Brooding?” she
asked, sitting cross-legged next to him.
“Well...
it’s
finished now, isn’t
it,”
he replied reluctantly.
She stretched out on her side and propped herself up
on her elbow. She began stroking his hair gently.
“Not like
that, Severus, not like that,” she said. “It will never leave you, not unless you want it to.
The experience
is a part of
you now. A part of your mind, of your body’s memory.
Of your
soul, if you want to call it that.”
“I
never want to forget,” he pleaded. “I know what a hostile Legilimens can do, or a Dementor:
invade the mind,
rip out memories...”
“Encapsulate
it,”
she suggested. “Create
an object in your mind and enclose the memory in it. Only
your mind can access it there, only your free will can release and share it. An intruder,
however strong, will only perceive the object.”
She thought for a moment.
“In
fact, let’s
do it together, if you like. In rapport.”
“Are
you willing, Catrin? The connection would be very deep.”
“Deep,
but dormant,”
she said. “Like
an old, old rock on the bottom of the deepest pool.”
“Yes,” she
added, “I
should like that very much. – Come here.”
She motioned him to turn onto his side and rest his
head on her shoulder. Her embrace enclosed him, grounded him. Her mind reached
out to him, and there was the shared awareness, familiar and safe by now.
‘What
should it be: a rock, a jewel?’ she suggested mentally.
‘Something
living,’
he objected. ‘I
know: amber. It’s
a gem that has been alive.’
She created the image of a lump of Baltic amber,
irregular, about an inch big, clear, polished, pale gold in colour.
He reached in and changed the colour, making it
somewhat darker, like dark, reddish honey. She added little star-shaped golden
enclosures throughout the whole gem, and sensed his approval.
Together, they duplicated the amber image. And, still
joined in their minds, they each poured their memory of the past day and night
into the gem. The silvery threads entered the amber,
made it flare up once with an inner fire, and disappeared. Only the amber’s own
glow remained.
The spell was complete.
--- --- ---
The throng of graduate students jostled through the
exit of the lecture hall. Only very few of them were discussing the recent
lecture; the most minds, stomachs and words were focused on lunch.
Severus and Catrin made their way down the stairs, in
the direction of the canteen.
“Severus,” a woman’s clear
voice said.
His face lit up in a smile.
“Lucia,
good to see you,”
he answered, and turned towards Catrin. “Catrin,
meet Lucia Salvi.
Lucia, this is Catrin Achrya.”
The two women shook hands.
Lucia was as tall as Catrin, but much more feminine in
build: not even the bulky academic robes could disguise her round breasts. Her
hair fell like spun honey down to the middle of her back; her skin had a slight golden
tan. Her friendly, intelligent eyes were a deep sapphire, her eyebrows
startlingly black over an aristocratic nose. With shapely lips and a perfectly
oval face, she resembled a Venetian Renaissance painting.
“I’m very
pleased to meet you, Catrin. I have heard much about you.”
Catrin mock-glared at Severus: “Do I want
to know what?”
And to Lucia she said: “I’m happy
to meet you too, Lucia. Severus has been mentioning you a lot lately. – You
specialise in Arithmancy Theory, don’t you?”
“Yes,
I’m
looking into applications of higher-order magic squares in the classical
Agrippan method.”
“That’s a
handful. I have a lot of respect for Arithmancy, but not the patience.”
“I
understand that you are a Healer,” Lucia said.
“Mediwitch,” Catrin
corrected. “I
hope to qualify as a Healer after my thesis and special training.”
“What
is your speciality?”
“Wizards’
reproductive health. Their sex life, if you prefer. My thesis will be on the interaction
of magical and hormonal activity in males. Severus is helping me to develop
some potions to make the interaction less erratic and more predictable.”
“I
am impressed,”
Lucia replied. “For
myself, I’m
not even sure that I can pass my compulsory Basic Healing.”
“You
have to be joking. I’ve
never heard of anyone failing that.”
“You
don’t
know how impossible I am with anything biological. Give me a scroll full of formulas,
and if there’s
any sense to it, I’ll
find it. But I can barely heal a paper cut,” Lucia
explained with a sheepish grin.
Catrin changed the subject.
“Oh
–
are you and Severus having lunch?”
“Yes,” said
Severus, and “No,” said
Lucia, simultaneously.
“I
simply have to review Healing,” Lucia explained, seeing Severus’
disappointed face.
“Tell
you what,”
Catrin suggested. “Severus
and I have to run some tests at the Gryphon clinic later this afternoon. Why
don’t
you two have lunch, and, Lucia, you come along to the lab.
We’ll
let the man do the dirty work, and you’ll tell me where you’re stuck
in Healing.
I may
be able
to help you along.”
“That
would be wonderful –
but I can’t
impose on you.”
“Lucia,” Severus
interrupted, “there’s one
thing you should remember about Catrin. She doesn’t do ‘polite’. If she
offers something, she means it. And you couldn’t have a better
teacher.”
“Listen
to the expert,”
Catrin said with a hint of irony.
“So
that’s
settled,”
she went on. “Go
off to your lunch. I have some patients this afternoon, and the surgery closes
at three-thirty. I’ll
see you two then.”
She turned with a wave of her hand and left, her brown
robes billowing after her.
Severus put his arms about Lucia and kissed her gently
on the lips.
She looked at him musingly.
“Your
sister can be rather formidable,” she said. “A good thing that she approves of us. Or does she?”
“My
sister?”
Severus asked, momentarily confused. He found his bearings quickly.
“Oh,
yes, Catrin approves,” he assured Lucia. “She
approves thoroughly.”
If you want to move on fourteen years,
and learn how Severus spent some of his time
after Dumbledore’s death,
read the next story.
< Previous story
--- --- --- Contents --- --- --- Next
story >